You may think from the title that I have just invented a new sports bra or a garment to discipline and smooth your wobbly bits, but no. What I am referring to is the finally completed installation of the devices we have purchased to enhance, my supposed future guest, your appreciation of the good airs of Buenos Aires. The 5th floor is the proud possessor of 5 terraces, but the most prized is the Andalusian patio, which will shortly be verdant with plants and herbs to complement its cheerful Spanish wall tiles and its new lemon trees (whose numbers are threatening to reduce themselves as one is rather sickly and I may have to put it out of its misery).
If the sun is out, then it’s shining on this terrace and warming it to at least 5 degrees above street level. And of course the patio sports the traditional ample parrilla for family and friends style BBQ’ing and due to its positioning there is rarely any wind so we have enjoyed regular open air asados throughout the winter. But of course the wild outdoors can be just that. Savage. I foresee problems. 5 degrees above a sunny spring day equals the best an English summer has to offer, 5 degrees above a hot Buenos Aires summer day and you may well expire with heat stroke. So look at this.
At the top of the picture is what we call a Toldo here (I’ve forgotten the English word), whose electrically driven, remote controlled blackness will silently slide out to cover half the terrace and protect you from the killer rays. And as we have ensured the wifi signal is suitably strong in this area, the toldo will also save you from that other modern frustration, wanting to be outside but having too much sun to see your computer screen.
But what I hear you ask is that brutal looking object hanging below the toldo? Well that is the latest and most effective equipment for exterior heating, because yes even in BA occasionally it does get cold, sometimes into single digits celsius, occasionally for several days at a time and as any porteño will tell you slightly hysterically, “el frio te mata”. The cold kills you, its as simple as that here. Furthermore, by near consensus we have banished smoking from the interior of the 5th floor. But we are not discriminatory, we love smokers as much as non-smokers, we want them to share the same level of comfort. And understanding that more smokers now die of weather induced pneumonia in London caused by huddling outside their buildings in inclement conditions, than of the previously common smoking related illnesses, we wouldn’t wish that on our valued clients. After all, where am I (I obviously mean you) going to sip, my evening gin and tonic while partaking of its accompanying nicotine, without having the embarrassment of watching my long suffering partner, swathed in woollens, shivering while accompanying me.
Fear not, at the 5th floor we just crank up the 5 metre gas tube, strip off out protective layers and warm ourselves to the degree that we need more ice in our drinks. And luckily, I have purchased a nice ice making machine to provide for this eventuality.
So, if like me you are a fan of the great outdoors, as long as it can be partaken of within the confines of a suitably large and cultured city and has immediate access to comfortable facilities, then our terrace will certainly fill you with joy. Stick a big juicy hunk of cow over the smouldering embers on the parrilla and you will feel as close to raw nature as you ever need to!